Commencing Countdown, Engines On

For several weeks I've been debating which activities I would attend during commencement. I've been trying to decide if I should participate in the university convocation, which occurs Sunday morning around 9:00 a.m.

While it's not all that early, the payoff for family and friends probably isn't worth the effort to get there on time and sit for several hours listening to speeches and solemn music. I wanted to go, but I didn't want to put all of my loved ones through all of that.

There's a quieter, more personal commencement held for Weatherhead graduates at 4:00 that afternoon. That's where the graduate (me!) walks across the stage and receives her diploma. Graduates are also welcome to have family walk across the stage with them at this event. I most certainly want "everyone" to be at that one.

As I agonized over missing the morning commencement, it dawned on me that for some reason I must need to be there. There would have been no agony over the decision otherwise. As I considered that, I realized that I wanted and needed to attend that event for closure. I never graduated from Case as an undergraduate, and this must be what's tugging at me. Regrets over my withdrawal from Case as an undergraduate live on in me . . . 26 years later! Life is too long. I know I disappointed my father, especially, when I dropped out way back when. Maybe this is one way of making it up to him.

So whether or not my classmates, my family, or my friends are there at the university-wide commencement Sunday morning, I will be there. I'll be reflecting on the 26 years that have passed since I dropped out, and I'll be thinking about my dad.

Look for both of us there.