Art of the Appreciative Question

Most evenings I ask the kids to recount the best thing that happened at school that day. They've come to expect it, so the question and answers have grown a little stale.

Yesterday, in an effort to re-energize the question, I asked my eight-year-old, "What's your teacher's favorite thing to do at school?" He seemed truly puzzled by the question for a moment or two. Then he came to life with an answer, "She loves math games!" He went on to describe the games with much relish and excitement, and we reenacted the "brain vs. calculator" game with Dad and his older brother to really get a feeling for it.

It was a nice family moment.

That appreciative question generated a lot of learning! I learned about something going on in the classroom. I also learned that an appreciative question doesn't necessarily need to be about the person you are talking to (my son). It can be something that will elicit thoughts about someone else's joy (his teacher).

Does the teacher really love math games? I'm not sure, but she's certainly inspired enthusiasm in my son! (Thank you, Miss C.)

(edited 11/28/2007 to correct an error)

Five Things I Learned in May

They aren't as sexy as Terry Starbucker's 5 things, but here goes anyway:

1. I've become better at accepting and more appreciative of feedback at work. Feedback is a gift and an opportunity for growth, which is an attitude and approach I didn't get growing up. Now I know it gives me something I can reflect and act on, if I so choose.
2. John Coltrane's "Crescent" makes me hold my breath in the same way I do when I watch a trapeze act. You can hear a commentary on the piece by Dave Liebman over at The Traneumentary.
3. The healthcare system in the US is broken. No matter how many stories you hear in the media about this, you can't fully understand it until you are faced with a serious illness and you cannot identify the right person or group to help, let alone get their attention.
4. My oldest son turns 12 today. Parenting is the learning journey of a lifetime, and he never ceases to challenge me on all levels. This month I learned that he still has the ability to short-circuit my higher thinking and drive me straight into lowest-common-denominator reactive behavior! I also learned that I should trust his choices in friends a little more - he demonstrated that he has a more sophisticated understanding of the subtleties of human behavior than I gave him credit for.
5. Tagging can be a great tool for sharing and gleaning information. Until this month I was mostly using del.ic.ious as a place to store my own favorites. But recently I've started to "mine" other peoples' tags, and I've found a lot of stuff I probably never would have found any other way.
   

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